Growing pains….

My mind seems to be all over the place today. I’m thinking it’s all the time spent alone working from home this week. It’s funny the things that you notice when you are in a new environment in the middle of another major life change. My day starts earlier, ends earlier, and I have made a point to disconnect and spend an hour away from my new desk in the den to have lunch and do it was look through a magazine and just chill. I still have 3 stacks of magazines that I haven’t had a chance to look at; I’ll get through them.

I’m loving my new job. (This is my employee photo from the web site, and they are making a name tag with this photo…it makes me chuckle, it does not look like me but I love the earrings.  I designed the avatar, close enough.) I’m really working at learning this new stuff and today I started taking the certification tests. I have two of the 16 tests completed. It’s not a daunting task, I’m going to try to do a few a day so it’s not so overwhelming. The certification is required so when I train, the staffs that I train are eligible for CEUs. Not really a big deal, and a good way to make sure that I understand this before I land in the middle of an orthodontist office in BFE and have no clue. Chuckling, that’s a bit silly I won’t even be out on my own until February.

Now that I’m home I open the shades every day to let the sunshine in, I am noticing my windows are dirty, maybe that will be tomorrow’s lunchtime project? I’ve become very domestic since returning home on Friday. I’ve been cooking, cleaning, knitting and I think that in part it is because those are things that are familiar, ok, that’s my comfort zone. I don’t have coworkers to buy candy for, to bake for, to do nice things for. In my corner of the world, I have me. I’ve decided that I am worth the effort to cook for, to knit for, and that’s what I’ve been doing this week. Grounding myself, and now focusing on adding back to my life some of the things I enjoy–like dancing. I texted my favorite dance partner tonight, and we are taking a lesson tomorrow night. There’s usually more laughter involved than dancing, but I’m ready to expand my circle out and include things back in that matter to me.

I’ve had some messages this week from friends from my former job, checking in on me, those have added some smiles to my days. I know that this is the calm before the storm, and maybe this is the Universe’s plan, to give me time to get my house in order, and to settle into a new routine, before things really change and I am on the road more than I am at home. I’m looking forward to the new adventure, but there are some steps to get there first. That’s pretty typical, there were lots of steps to get me to Texas, it took me several years in fact. But with patience, and an attitude of not giving up, it happened, and my life is much better than I ever imagined.

In the past week, I’ve seen one of my friends lose her mom. That brought all sorts of memories back of the end of my mom’s life. I connect and understand how challenging the death of a parent can be. I have another friend that’s been spending a vigil at his mother’s bedside and his posts just tear my heart out each time I read them. Because I have been there, I know how hard it is…especially when it is time to let go. When it was my mom’s time, I knew…and I let her go. It’s a day that crosses my mind often. Today when I was puttering around the apartment I saw her picture and smiled. I know she would be proud of me and all of my bold life adventures. I was raised by a strong independent woman to be strong and independent. I hope I have also passed that on to my daughters.

My random status message on Facebook last night:

Sometimes things happen in a blink of an eye… so it’s good to tell the people that you love that you love them…

…and other things, take time and sort of evolve.  I called my boss from way back in 1997 tonight.  When I was interviewing for this new job they called him as part of the interview process.  He was pretty shocked that I was no longer in the cornfields.  It was hilarious to talk to him again, he’s not changed all that much.  We talked about the old days, the people that worked with us, and where they are these days.  It’s hard to recognize that person from those days.  When I left his company, I went back to college…that was the beginning of my transformation.

I believe I am still transforming and evolving, it’s part of living, part of life.  I thought I had long passed the days of growing pains, but find at this stage in my life, I still have them now and again.  A life chapter has closed, and I’ve turned the pages on a new one.  Change is easier this time around…but it’s still a period of adjustment of moving toward the next stage of this new adventure…

So I will knit…I will cook…I will find someone to bake for…I will wash those windows…I will dance, and I will keep trying to figure out how it’s all going to fit together.

My Comfort Zone – A Poem
Author Unknown

I used to have a comfort zone where I knew I wouldn’t fail.
The same four walls and busywork were really more like jail.
I longed so much to do the things I’d never done before,
But stayed inside my comfort zone and paced the same old floor.

I said it didn’t matter that I wasn’t doing much.
I said I didn’t care for things like commission checks and such.
I claimed to be so busy with the things inside the zone,
But deep inside I longed for something special of my own.

I couldn’t let my life go by just watching others win.
I held my breath; I stepped outside and let the change begin.
I took a step and with new strength I’d never felt before,
I kissed my comfort zone goodbye and closed and locked the door.

If you’re in a comfort zone, afraid to venture out,
Remember that all winners were at one time filled with doubt.
A step or two and words of praise can make your dreams come true.
Reach for your future with a smile; success is there for you!

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