I write…

I’ve been blogging for quite some time.  Ramblings about my knitting to begin with, then pondering about my life in the cornfields, next up my move to Dallas and life in general.  When I get so much in my brain and I need to let it out somewhere I write.  There are times when I make myself laugh, times when I make myself cry, but mostly I write for myself, never with an intended audience in mind.  All week this week I’ve been feeling the need to write, to put all of these thoughts that have been spinning through my head out there.  But first, I needed to close a chapter before I could start the next chapter of my life.

I found the perfect quote when I got home today that expressed what I have been feeling.

“You can gain more friends by being yourself than you can by putting up a front. You can gain more friends by building people up than you can by tearing them down. And you can gain more friends by taking a few minutes from each day to do something kind for someone, whether it be a friend or a complete stranger. What a difference one person can make!” ~ Sasha Azvedo

I am who I am… (I think that’s a quote from Popeye the Sailor Man..and you know I love sailor boys.)

I can’t change that any more than I can change what color my eyes are, it’s a part of my being, a part of me being me.  But for the last month or so I have struggled, and doubted myself and asked, am I too nice?   I let other people project what they consider as being too nice onto me.  That sucks, and you know what, I am going to continue to be who I am.  Caring, giving, helpful and responsive..and deeply attuned to who really matters in this world…everyone matters.

This attitude has caused me to be beaten around a bit in life.   I’ve been hurt, had my feelings kicked around and minimized quite a bit, and had more than a few self doubts.  Seriously, who hasn’t?  But too many things have happened in my life to far outweigh those that would take advantage of my kindness.  I’m a Libra, life is about balance.  🙂

Positive attracts positive…it’s a mantra for me.  Words like Joy!  Happiness! Love! are a part of my daily vocabulary.  When someone asks how I am? I am AMAZING…because I am.  I’m not content to be just good or fine.  Today as I left behind the job that helped bring me to Texas, I cried.  Not those pretty little tears like they do in the movies, but actual twisted up ugly face crying.  As I drove home I reflected on the things that made me cry today at my going away, aka the get the hell out of here party (that’s my tongue in cheek title of the event to help me not cry through the entire event).  A giant card made by friends, and signed by the agents that I trained. I just saw the card and I was a puddle of tears.  When I got home and actually read the card, I cried some more, and laughed at some of the funny comments.  I plan to hang it in my office at home, to remind me of the people that appreciated the cookies and my daily interaction with them…that’s what matters, in a small way (not just the cookies) I impacted their lives.

When I got home yesterday, waiting for me in the mailbox was an envelope from Donors Choose.  The students from one of the projects I funded made thank you cards for me to thank me for my donation that purchased yarn and knitting looms.  They are learning to make hats for the homeless.  To them, I mattered and I impacted their lives.

So, I will continue to be nice, to be who I am.  I know even I shake my head at times and wonder how can someone be so nice.  Really to me the question is why would someone not be nice, that’s what makes no sense to me.

On Monday I start my new job.  I’m excited, and look forward to meeting my new team, my new “customers” and having all sorts of experiences and adventures to share.  I think I will be a good fit for them, and they will be a good fit for me.  After moving from Ohio to Texas, this is just another change another evolution in who I am.

I know and understand what really matters….

Kindness is never wasted. If it has no effect on the recipient, at least it benefits the bestower.” — S. H. Simmons

2 thoughts on “I write…

  1. Girl! For everyone who tries to take away from who you are, know that there are, I’m sure TONS of people like me who look to you daily as a reminder on how life should be lived and as a true beacon of hope & happiness. I am happy to add my name to the list of countless people who have been touched by “you being you”…and it has made a difference.

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