There are times when I’ve felt the Universe tapping me on the shoulder, trying to give me a subtle message. Quite a few times it takes a while for that message to sink in. Today? I guess the Universe decided that a baseball bat between the eyes might have a bit more of an impact.
I started out my day with breakfast at one of my favorite places, Cafe Brazil. I treated myself to my favorite french toast with fruit, and just enjoyed the moment. I know it was just breakfast, but if you’ve ever had their french toast with fruit you would know the joy of one heck of an amazing breakfast.
I’d made plans to head to the movies to see Eat Pray Love. I joked that a book about my life would be Eat Tweet Meet. I have read the book Eat Pray Love. I bought it not long after moving out on my own…never read it, packed it up in a box and moved it from Ohio to Texas with me. One day out of the blue I decided to track down the box and pull the book out to read. I sorta remember the beginning of the book, and how it mirrored parts of my life. I actually found the book sort of boring, and thought to myself, “I could write a much better book than this.” I didn’t get it, why the book was such a huge success. I never finished, the book, that doesn’t happen often, I’m usually pretty loyal to stick a story out to the end.
I didn’t know what to expect when I watched the movie. It didn’t take long for me to see myself on the screen. There were lines of dialog from the movie that I have said. Unsettling? Oh my was it ever. I cried a lot during the movie. Not because the movie was sad, not because I am sad. There were just so many parts that rang true to life for me.
I didn’t venture to Italy to eat..although one day I’d love to have a villa in Tuscany. I didn’t travel to India to sit at the feet of a guru, and I didn’t travel to Bali to find my balance. Perhaps I took the only route I had available to me as I was flung adrift into a new life at the age of 50. I could identify with the character as she went to the bookstore and bought all sorts of titles to try to fix herself. I left behind stacks of self help books when I restarted my life. I bought dozens more as I struggled through that first year…trying to make sense of the world that I had turned upside down.
I’m not a religious person, I never have been. But I did read a lot of books with spiritual thoughts and themes. Louise Hay, Esther and Abraham Hicks, Rhonda Byrne..I absorbed the new knowledge like a sponge. Trying to find my center, trying to find my balance. I was on a quest of my own, and often found myself in the middle of the place that I was meant to be. The right place, the right time.
I made some crazy decisions during that time. I think in my quest to prove that I was a person that could still be loved I let some scary people into my life. It was a dark time, yet I never thought I would not come out the other side as a better person who had gotten a step closer to figuring out the person she was meant to be.
Somewhere along the way, I forgave myself and started moving toward a new life. I had to come to some sort of peace about the life I have lived so far and to know that I’m a good person, and when I say that I am amazing, it’s not bragging, it’s just how I feel about myself. I’ve learned that it’s even more important what you think of yourself, than what the outside world or others think of you.
I’m no longer content to be what other people want me to be, to change myself to fit the mold of what others expect me to be. After making a major move in your life like that, it comes with a freedom..a trust that no matter what the world puts in your path, that you can handle it. I’m no long content to just survive my life, I live my life each and every day. I don’t choose to stay in situations that don’t feel right to me. I trust my instincts and I trust that the Universe has a plan for me…
I trust in love, and that is a huge giant step forward in how I live my life.
Open yourself to possibilities and the possibilities appear…
May your walls know joy; may every room hold laughter and every window open to great possibility.-Mary Anne Radmacher-Hershey