Sherry, the Hospice volunteer coordinator stopped by today to pick up the cookies/decorations for the nursing home and the gift bags I had put together for Hospice. I can’t explain to you the euphoria I felt as we hugged several times and moved the boxes from my car to hers. She wanted to take a photo, but I was dressed in sweats, my hair pulled back in a clip, I was not exactly looking my best. She said are you sure you don’t want to connect with a facility in your area–they would love to have all of these things from you. I smiled, said “No, I’m happy with this arrangement.”
I truly believed that something nudged me towards Hospice as the charity to work with on a closer basis when I arrived in Texas. I’ve been knitting, quilting, baking and sending packages to the far corners of the US and even to Kandahar–all those projects gave me a great deal of satisfaction. I packed a lot of love into those boxes as I sent them off in the mail.
But this is different—- It’s much more than packing love into a box, it really is a way for me to remember my mom in a special way. I went through such a depression after she died..in part I think to there just being a wake (her wish), and even though I was there with her when she died I don’t think I ever felt any closure. Before leaving Ohio, I can remember pondering this a lot..how to best honor her memory. I thought of a few things, like a donation to the nature center where I like to walk–but I don’t get to walk there any more. This seems like a better idea. Yesterday I mailed off the October birthday cards for the rest of the month, so for a dozen or so people maybe getting a card on their birthday from some random stranger won’t matter much, or it could matter a great deal.
We just don’t know..none of us really, of the impact that small gestures can ripple out and have on the rest of the world. I’ve learned that even the smallest thing can make an impression on someone, sometimes we know, sometimes we never know..the important part is realizing inside that you as an individual can drop a small pebble in the pond and let it ripple out.
I wiped a few tears away as I made my drive back to the apartment after delivering the boxes. Not sad tears, but remembering my mom–the good times, the happy times. I choose not to dwell on the days spent in the hospital with her, and seeing her suffering so much at the end.
I think the lesson that I learned from her death is that life is to be lived each and every day. It made me take a deep breath, take a look at my life, and realize that if I wanted my life to change that I would need to be the one making that change happen.
If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies. ~Author Unknown
What small thing could you do today to make a change for the better in your life, or more importantly in the life of another?
A pondering sort of…Ann today.