Usually at this time I sit down and make a list of goals, I hate the word resolutions.  Of course, they are pretty similar every year, some goals have been reached, some well, they are there again next year.  This year as part of my attitude of gratitude I decided to focus on 12 things that I am grateful for in 2011.  Eleven, you know that just sounded like such an odd number, let’s go with an even dozen?

1. I am so grateful for the time that I got to spend with my daughters this year in San Francisco.  So many great memories, lots of laughter and a trip that I plan to repeat in 2012.  Maybe not California, we’ll sort that out when the time comes up.  It’s an annual tradition that I want to continue.
2. I am so grateful that after each of my trips I took the time to at least write a few paragraphs about the trip.  Yesterday I printed out 6 months worth of stories to add to my scrapbook.  When I am in my 100′s I can sit in that rocking chair and remember those incredible moments and visits this year to places like Australia, Ireland, Arizona, California, Utah and on and on and on.
3. I am so grateful for the job that I love, the people that are part of my days, and the orthodontists who love the Mac and welcome me into their corner of the world.  I amaze myself at the things I have learned this year.  No two practices are ever the same and that makes live very interesting.  Some of the best trips have been with the other trainers in the company.  *honk, honk*
4. I am so grateful for my dancing friends.  I’m not able to go out and dance as much with my crazy schedule.  But when I am home, I am always included and in the middle of things.  I feel as if we have just been out dancing the night before.  New Year’s Eve was an epic adventure, and truly the best New Year’s Eve I have ever spent, sorry Dick Clark.  I’ve made many new dancing friends this year, and they add to my life both on and off the dance floor.
5. I am so grateful for my young vibrant local friends Lindsay and Walter.  It is so darn exciting to watch them both grow into the people that they are meant to be.  Funny, we worked at the same company, but not until I left did we really get an opportunity to know each other.  I love them both, and I know that 2012 will be spent as a part of their lives.  They inspire me!
6. I am grateful for my friends that have been with me all along the challenges of this life path that I have chosen.  I know that at any moment I could pick up the phone, tell them I needed help and they would be there, I would do the same for them.  There have been a few times this year when I’ve said, “Hey, I need a place to stay and there was always a yes at the end of the line.”  Thank you to the Dude, Brenda, Frank, Steph, Cate, Kate, Ken, Sydnee, Chaz, Michelle, Heidi–you have become my extended family.  New friends that add to my day who I’ve yet to meet Linda & Mr. B. And of course Joe, the most amazing photographer in the world who I adore.
7. I am grateful for my volunteer opportunities in the Dallas area.  I’ve always believed in giving back and there’s an opportunity every weekend to do that.  I loved meeting the troops at the airport, volunteering to serve lunch at the Salvation Army and my favorite local charity sandwiches for Soupmobile.
8. I am grateful for a nice apartment, in a great area that is close to the airport and all of the things that I love.  I’ve added some artwork this year and on those rare nights when I’m home sitting on my couch I love to look at the beauty that surrounds me there.
9. I am grateful for being able to share my stories, my photos, my online ramblings with people who don’t get the opportunity to get on an airplane every week.  I know that some people probably think I am crazy when I am taking photos of food and drinks.  It’s all part of documenting my days.
10. I am grateful for those moments this year that moved me..made me smile, made me cry.  A weekend in Burnett, Texas to help me center myself, Willie Nelson’s Summer Picnic, Ronnie Dunn at Billy Bob’s.
11. I am grateful for my health, what I do isn’t easy and I’ve learned this year to really listen to my body when it says it’s time to rest.
12. I am grateful for the Universe and all the abundance that fills my life.

My unswaying, always in the center of my vision board wishes for 2012, and every year….

1. Help someone achieve a dream.
2. Help someone catch the giving spirit.
3. Make someone smile EVERY day.

You know what? I think that’s more than enough.  Happy New Year my friends.

P.S. Holy Crap I nearly forgot one very important person who I am grateful for.  My friend Carol that started off as my boss, and who I am so very proud to call my friend.  She’s always there for me, a sounding board, a voice of reason and a true gift in my life.

Our New Year celebrations together are coming to an end this year.  For most of my life I spent that magical moment when the old year ends and the new year begins with you.  I never cheated on you with other end of the year television celebrations. Sigh, it’s been hard since moving to Texas, seeing the ball drop in Times Square at 11 Texas time just wasn’t the same thing. But still Dick I continued to love you, even after the stroke and in spite of the fact that you cheated on me with that wife of yours.

Yes, there was that one time years and years ago that I ventured from the couch and went to a New Year’s Eve bash at a local firehouse.  I’m sure there was very little dancing involved that night, and we talked through out differences and worked it out for another 20+ years.  There was another epic NYE in 2007 with the pink tiara, boa and argyle flannel pajamas that somehow included lemon drop shots and an entire bottle of Gray Goose vodka.  Even that year I managed to find the tv and do the 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 countdown thing with you.

Tonight, I’m going to go out and have my own New Year’s Rocking Eve, Texas style!  I’ll be wearing my gettin’ lucky boots and some sort of New Year Celebration tiara.  I’ll dress up a bit more than our NYE moments, I know that you will understand, going out braless and in my jammies to celebrate at the honky tonk could be frowned upon. I know every year that you kinda sorta overlooked the fact that I didn’t dress up for you.

Tonight instead of sitting alone in my apartment, watching the ball drop, I’ll be out dancing and celebrating with friends.  I plan on an evening of joy and laughter to celebrate an amazing 2011.  Maybe all of those that I love will not be close enough for me to hug, but they will feel my love, remember the hugs from the past, and know that I am thinking of them.

You know this was bound to happen sooner than later Dick.  Try to be strong tonight, without me there with you.  Be brave my friend.

XoxO

Ann

My last recollection of riding in a car in a parade was for the Miss Chick contest, far too many years ago than I want to admit.  I was in high school, dressed in all of my feathered up finery riding on the back of a convertible.  I wish I could find a photo of that ensemble.  No, I was not dressed like a chicken, nor did I have a rubber chicken in the car with me.  I did do the queen’s wave the entire route.  I was such a shy person back then, I can’t imagine how challenging that had to have been for me to be in a beauty pageant.

Last week I received an invitation from my friend Mike to ride in this parade with him. Mike belongs to a group of Smart Car owners and the were to portray Santa’s eight reindeer with their cars in the parade.  I’m always teasing Mike about his baby car, Tweeti.  It’s bright yellow, and how can one not smile when seeing such cuteness?  I did tell him that I would ride in the car, as long as I didn’t have to dress up like Big Bird.

My oh my I had to be up EARLY on a Saturday morning for this parade.  But, I consoled myself with the fact that when I got home I could have a nap.  I had been out the night before with friends and decided I needed a 5 Hour Energy to get me going, it worked wonders.

We met in the Sprouts parking lot, for you non Texans, that’s a local natural foods grocery store. Good grief, it was cold by Texas standards.  I was bundle up with a coat, scarf and gloves on, and my festive  holiday angel headband on.  I was read for some fun and adventure.  The members of the car group were soooooooooooo nice and welcoming.  I walked around all of their cars and truly appreciated their enthusiasm and passion for their baby cars. I loved the bumper stickers and emblems on their cars. Once the gaggle of cars had gathered we made our way to the staging area. Gaggle is my term, probably in this case, since the were reindeer, I should call them a herd.

I was part of the decorating Tweeti team.  Mike had lights inside and a garland and lights to decorate the outside of the car.  Tweeti also had antlers, a red nose, and a tail that had been crafted by one of the car club members.  It made me giggle as I walked around the car slapping bows all over like a package.  Wow, these people went all out in decorating their cars.  There were snowflakes, blow up Christmas decorations and all sorts of garland.  One owner had made a giant hook for the top of her car that made it look like a Christmas ornament.

My hands were so cold!  But it was a morning filled with laughter and camaraderie that I enjoyed being a part of. When the cars were decorated and ready for the parade, we made our way to the next stop in our staging area, just in front of the fire station. That is where the float would be carrying Santa.  One of my funniest memories of the morning was when Santa came out of the fire station, took one look at the cars and did a great big Ho Ho HO! These reindeer were for sure a sight to behold!

There’s a lot of waiting time in being in a parade.  Because we were the big intro to Santa, we were at the end of the parade.  Christmas music was blaring from the smart cars, and lots of laughter.  I joked with Mike at the number of people in the parade, and asked him if there would be anyone left to actually watch the parade.  I got a kick out of the people with their dogs dressed up ready to march in the parade.

At about 10:30 we were on the move.  There were people lined up on the streets to watch the parade.  I loved seeing the smiles on the faces of the people as we drove by.  There was lots of waving, and a very cool thing that gave me that hometown feeling as my friend Maria used to say.  As we drove down the street people waved, and yelled Merry Christmas.  It was such a simple thing, but genuine and sincere.  Kids on the edge of the street had bags stuffed with enough candy to rival a night out trick or treating.  Yes, Flower Mound is much larger than most of the towns and small town parades I attended in Ohio. But the feeling of joy and community was just the same.  One of the reasons I moved to Texas was the friendliness I felt from the people of Texas.

Yee Haw! I do love my life in Texas, the adventures and the people who add so much to my life with new adventures and experiences.  Thanks to Mike and Tweeti for a great morning, and a wonderful holiday experience.

I’ve never experienced a Chinese massage. I’ve had the pedicure massage, for the most part it feels wonderful.  I’ve had a variety of different massages in my life. Each one a very pleasant experience.  How could I say no to an offer of a foot and a back massage?

The massage place was small.  The doors were locked, they were at lunch.  When the masseuse returned we found that there were three chairs and they needed to call in another person to do the second massage.  Think low light, soothing oriental music and your feet in a nice warm bath.  Ahhhhhhhhh this was fantastic, so relaxing, a nice chair to lean back in.  It was pure heaven.  I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the warmth of the water, the calm environment, what a great way to spend the afternoon.

Enter the second masseuse and we were ready to go.  The massage started with a head massage, a face massage and some wild ear rub that I can’t begin to describe.  I hate having my ears touched.  Just the thought of it makes me scrunch up my shoulders to protect my ears, but this was wonderful.  She moved down to feet and I was ready for the pleasure to continue.

Ummmm…this is where things changed a WHOLE bunch.  That nice rubbing of the top part of my body took an ugly turn when the lady hit my feet.  No, she didn’t actually hit my feet, she innocently moved to my feet and I’m picturing soothing touches, and manipulation.  What I didn’t expect was pressure and pain so intense at times that I wanted to call out for my mama!  My eyes were covered, I told Carol that was so the queen of torture did not have to see the tears in my eyes, or the grimace on my face.  Wow, the experience was all over the chart from heat, chills to yeouch that hurts pain as she worked the pressure points in my feet.  I had heard about reflexology before, but I had never experienced it.   Carol was in the chair next to me, she had been through this once before.  I had pretty much decided that I must be more of a delicate flower than I realized, I didn’t hear her crying out in pain, maybe I was just a wuss?

We survived the foot massage and they lead us each into another room for the back massage.  I’ve been battling an aching back all week, I almost opted out, if they beat the heck out of my feet, what was my back in store for?  I figured if my back started to hurt I could say, STOP.  My masseuse did not speak English, only Chinese.  Our communication was through a series of nods and gestures.  She motioned to the table and gave me sign language that I interpreted that she wanted me to take off my shirt.  That didn’t seem an unusual request, I’ve done that for a massage before.  She motioned to my capris and I figured ok.  If she would have just said, “Get naked I plan to ride you like a dimes store pony.” That I would have understood.

….and my friends, that’s pretty much what happened….

Silly me, I kept my bra and panties on.  She unhooked my bra and whipped that baby off, the girls were free!  I kept thinking  to myself, this is an experience that I am going to have to write about.  I honestly was not prepared for her  to climb onto the table and begin massaging my back.  I felt no pain in my lower back, it actually was starting to feel better.  I was pushed, pulled and stretched in all sorts of ways.  The masseuse was on the side of the table, on top of the table, on the edge of the table and I swear I thought she was going walk on my back any second.  It was pretty funny, and I can only imagine what it looked like, and thankfully there were no cameras.

After all was said and done, I felt wonderful, incredibly relaxed and I know I will go back again.  My feet take a beating, I stand on them all day when I am training, I dance on them and I walk a lot.  I guess even though it felt like torture, this experience was good for me today, good for my health and well being.  I focus on my mind, my mental health and well being, I think for awhile I’m going to focus on the physical side of me, it can use a little work. Seriously, can’t most of us?

Once upon a time, when I lived in the cornfields of Ohio a friend (JD) introduced me to cowboy poetry and Texas swing. At that point in my life, I sorta figured I would spend the rest of my life living in Ohio. I hadn’t made a visit to Texas yet, and fallen in love with the state. It was a new art form to me, and I can remember having to order a CD from Amazon. I don’t remember the name of the CD, but I do remember that one of the artists was Don Edwards. There were songs on the CD that made me giggle, and songs that made me sad. It was so far outside of anything that I had ever heard, I fell in love.

I never in my life back in those days would have imagined the life that I lead now. Every year there is a gathering at my happiest place on earth, the Red Steagall Festival. The day is packed full of Texas swing music, cowboys and cowboy poets. I’ve been a few times, for a part of the day, in the rain and the blistering heat. Last year as I dodged the raindrops I had such a great day, savoring the poems and the songs being performed live. I thought it was the best day ever….until yesterday.

I woke up to weather in the 80′s, nothing but big Texas blue sky and sunshine. I packed a bag and was ready for my adventure to Cowtown. My first stop was to pick up my ticket at the will call window. While standing in line someone behind me asked me if the ticket was just for the trade show, no I explained you get to see the really good stuff like the poets and to hear the swing music.

I wandered through the vendor building admiring the spurs, the handmade saddles and the artwork. The entire building smelled of both leather and horses. It just set the mood and the tone for the day. There were cowboys everywhere, not the fake kind that you see at the honky tonk or the dance halls. Their boots had a bit of a wear to them, and there were quite a few that were sporting spurs, tight jeans and giant belt buckles…oh my.

I made my way into the music tent and settled in to listen to the performers for the afternoon. I enjoyed the music of Jean Prescott, Dan Roberts and my favorite the Quebe Sisters. A family of four sat down next to me. They were from Oklahoma, and lived on a ranch. I got the biggest chuckle at the dad of the group sitting next to me and belting out all of the tunes along with Dan Roberts, priceless.

After the music I decided to head to the Star Cafe for my favorite blue cheese bacon burger and their homemade fries. There was a line out the door but I was able to get a table pretty quickly. I took in the people around me, their dress as varied as the places that they were from. The place was filled with tourists, cowboys and people dressed in period costume. I felt recharged and made my way to the cowboy poetry performances.

Cowboy poetry has always amazed me. One by one, the performers stand up and recite a very long and detailed poem. Not just one poem, but as many as 10 poems. Some of the poems make you laugh hysterically, some of the poems make you all teary eyed. They always tug at your emotions. My favorite poet of the day was Yvonne Hollenbeck. It was my first time seeing a female cowboy poet, and after spending a great deal of time living on a farm, and being a farmer’s wife I could identify with some of her poems.

The arena for the cowboy poetry is the arena that is used to sell livestock. The seats are worn, and there’s no air conditioning. It is definitely a step back in time. I stayed to watch the first half of Red Steagall performing, it all seemed pretty similar to the performance from last year. I was a woman on a mission I had a place to be.

At 5:30, Don Edwards was to perform in the musical tent. Don Edwards, the guy that I had listened to on a CD years and miles and a lifetime ago in Ohio. He had me at the first yodel as he sang songs that were familiar to me as well as songs that I had never heard. I fought back the tears several time during his singing. He sang a song called Cowhand.com that left me in stitches, but when he ended the show with This Land is Your Land I lost it. I felt honored to be a part of a capacity audience to hear the thoughts and the music of Don Edwards.

By this point in the day, I needed a rest. I headed to my hotel, about 10 minutes away and rested for an hour, hit the shower and headed back to cowtown for part 2 of my adventure. I went back to the music tent, they were having a swing dance from 9 to 1. I loved the music, and there were songs in the set that had to have had my guardian angels dancing. The one that got to me the most was Heartaches by the Number, wow, I can remember my mom playing that song when I was a kid. I know she was loving that song, because I sure was.  The steps were a bit different in swing dancing, but I did see a bit of east coast swing, and a combination of different sorts of steps.  I would venture to guess that when the people were dancing in airplane hangars, these were the dances the folks in the country were dancing in their barns.

It was time to head to Billy Bobs, I had a front row seat to see Ronnie Dunn.  It’s funny, this was a concert that I thought I was going to miss, I thought I was going to be out of town.  When I realized I was going to be home, and in Fort Worth for the Red Steagall Festival, it seemed a perfect combination.  (That’s why I decided to spend the night at the hotel, no driving back in the middle of the night home.)  A typical Saturday night at Billy Bobs the place was packed with people.   I bought an adult beverage and a water and found my way to my seat.

Wow, my seat was very close to the stage.  Billy Bobs is a great place to see a concert, especially with seats so close to the stage.  It’s nothing like those concerts I used to see in big venues and arenas.  You actually make eye contact with the performers.  I was ready for this show to begin….yet, there was some sort of delay/stalling happening–perhaps because there was a World Series Game happening, and Mr. Dunn was singing the national anthem?

I enjoyed every single minute of this show.  I have always liked Brooks and Dunn, but I also fell in love with Ronnie Dunn’s solo album.  The show was a nice mixture of both the old and the new.  There were lots of opportunities to sing along and I was dancing in my seat big time!

One of my guardian angels was a dear friend of mine, Maria, who died way too young.  I believe that she along with my mom keep an eye on me.  When I hear the song, My Maria I always feel that she is near me.  If I am out dancing and that song comes on, I tend to grab the closest man and drag him out on the dance floor, for me it’s a way to celebrate life and her memory.  I guess it never occurred to me that I would hear this song at the Ronnie Dunn concert.  But, the song was there, towards the end of the night and I had another I can’t hold back the tears moment.

I am not sure I can put into words all of the emotions that I felt yesterday.  I found myself teary eyed quite a bit, I laughed quite a bit and I just enjoyed the day, enjoyed my life.  That my friends is why we are here, to live each and every day to the fullest.  There are times that even I lose sight of that fact.

It was also a reminder that life is constantly evolving and changing.  I would have never EVER thought I would get to see Don Edwards perform, yet the planets aligned and I had a very special moment, and also a special memory of JD and being introduced to this art form.

My life is filled with abundance. I am grateful for these out of the blue wonderful days that make me feel alive, and so grateful for the life that I have.  Yee Haw!

Nothing is impossible my friends…when you believe.

In 2010 while taking dance lessons I heard about hangar dances.  There was talk of taking classes and being able to dress up and go there to dance, but that just didn’t happen.  My friend Margie and I went to the dance in October of 2010 just to check out what was happening. We stood at the edge of the dance floor with our mouths open like two little kids.  We both decided that NEXT year we would dress up and be there to dance.

Well my friends, it is next year, and I’m happy to report that we did take a few dance lessons, we did buy some vintage clothes to wear, and last night we were both out on the dance floor dancing.  It was a bit challenging at times, because you wanted to watch the other dancers and kinda sorta got distracted and off step. There were 9 of us around the table last night and I for one had the time of my life.

I knew from the moment I put on my 40′s clothes last night that I was going to have a fun time. We met for dinner at a local restaurant, great food, lots of laughter and we definitely stood out from the normal Saturday night out in Texas crowd.  We stood outside in the beautiful Texas weather and took photos and jumped into two cars and made the drive to Fort Worth for the dance.

The dance was held at the Vintage Flying Museum so there were all sorts of planes and WWII memorabilia decorating the building.  We were able to find a table together and added a few chairs as people came and went for the evening.  My friend Lindsay and I grabbed our cameras and started taking photos with the vintage automobile and the planes.  It was just an incredible atmosphere.

Going out onto that dance floor for the first time, big band music playing in the background was a wonderful moment.  I danced several times through the night and I had to giggle when I noticed people standing on the edge of the floor taking photos. This time I wasn’t just taking photos, I was the person in the photos.  My, how far my life has come in just a year.

The evening ended with the band playing In the Mood.  At that point there was only one guy left, and 4 women.  We all got up and danced 40′s style.  I showed Lindsay how to do the Charleston and at one point I was dancing around shaking one finger in the air 40′s style and laughing just as hard as I was dancing!

The photos are still coming in for the event.  We all had cameras and our phones with us snapping photos last night.  I am sure we will do this again next year, it was too fun not to!

Now, back to that journal with the Eleanor Roosevelt quote.  This morning while getting my thoughts together, I pulled out the journal to be sure that I had the quote right.  I opened up the journal and there were entries from 2004, 2006 and from one of the really low points in my life in 2007.

When I read the entries I cried.  I was so unhappy with my life.  I knew that I needed a change, but it took me 3 years to get up the courage to change my life.  I am surrounded by so many friends, people who didn’t know that woman who wrote in her journal desperate for her life to change.  That change took many many steps and people that I cared about were hurt along the way.  I can’t go back and change that, I can only move forward and be the best me that I can be.

The January 2007 entry had a list of 20 things I wanted to do that year.  I think I accomplished quite a few things on the list. ” I want to be more spontaneous and go with the flow when friends call with invitations and options.”   “I want to knit a sweater- DONE!!” “I want to do one thing every day that scares me.”

But the zinger, the one thing from the list that I think I have done the best job at is:

I want to laugh more..live more..love more, appreciate more and learn to enjoy my life, the paths that I choose.

That is a pretty big deal you know?  I’ve been feeling a bit down this week, and I’ve struggled to try to be upbeat and positive and to work my way past it.  It’s not been easy, but this morning, reading this journal from the past made me realize just how wonderful my life is.  I have a day, a week at the most here and there when I am down–but I never stay down for long.

I’m not sure that I am doing one thing every day that scares me. Maybe things don’t scare me these days as much as they did my 2004, 2006 and 2007 self?  I did try one new thing this week, I used the Dallas DART system–by myself and went to the Texas State fair.  I’ve traveled in foreign countries, and all across the US this year, the DART seemed a piece of cake compared to that.

He said I looked like Margaret Thatcher, I said he looked like Teddy Roosevelt..

I won’t share his post through the day to Facebook.  Each time he would post, a ripple of messages of support would come through from friends.  Because I had commented, and the way my settings are I was copied via email each time those messages came through.  I felt as though I was a part of a circle of love, prayers and positive thoughts.  It would be tough for all of us to physically be in the room with him, but through Facebook we could check in to see how he was doing, and post messages of support.   In a word, it was powerful.

Yesterday and today, the 140 Conference has been going on in New York City.  One day I’ll make it to one of these events.  My current travel schedule makes that even more challenging.  But through the live feed to day I was able to listen to quite a few presentations.  I didn’t get to hear all of the ones that I wanted to, I was working after all.  At the end of the day, I had time to watch the last bits of the conference online.  I have been proud to call Jeff Pulver my friend–or just Jeff as I call him–for quite some time.  We met through Twitter, and he’s been an inspiration to me more times than I can count–always encouraging me to dream big—DREAM BIGGER!

I loved seeing friends like Becky McCray, Jim Long, Andy Dixon and Ted Rubin doing their 10 minute talks.  How in the heck did my world open up to include people from all of the world as part of my circle of friends?  During Becky McCray’s talk there was conversation about people who life in small towns, and how connecting to people via social media from all over the world had broadened and expanded their horizons.  I can attest to that.

Another presenter today was Depak Chopra via Skype.  Ahhhh…the power of technology.  I truly hope that his presentation will be made available online.  There were bits and pieces that stuck in my head.  The part that stayed with me the most, was the fact that happy people when interacting with other happy people exponentially increase the happiness factor.  We PollyAnna types really do have the power to change the world…so don’t mess with us!  :)

There’s power in numbers…I see that in my life all of the time.  It’s why I focus on the positive–aka being my PollyAnna self, and understanding that the Universe has a path for me, a plan.  Even when I don’t always know what might be ahead on that path.  I find that I’m less stressed, actually I don’t stress much any more.  I don’t get upset over things that really don’t matter..what’s the point, really?  Will stressing or being upset change the outcome? Not likely, it just tips my world upside down.

Just ramblin’ out loud, there are times that I feel the need to write to get out what I’m dealing with in my head and in my heart.  I have felt that I am part of something that is bigger than myself for quite some time now.  The lady at the post office today when I was mailing cookies to friends told me that I was kind and thoughtful.  Ummm…I’m just being me, what brings me joy–rippling out that joy to others.  For a person who hates math, that’s a whole lot of multiplying!

“Surround yourself with positive people and situations, and avoid negativity” -Doreen Virtue

“You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world’s happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime.” -Dale Carnegie

I’m extremely happy with my life these days, I have a wide circle of friends, so many people who love me, and a job that feels perfect for me.  I get the opportunity to travel, I still manage to find ways to connect with friends, and to dance a bit when I am home.  Eight years ago, I was searching for something, and in looking back I’m not even sure that I realized I was searching at the time.  I buried what I wanted, my needs to make everyone else around me happy.

I came home from that trip 8 years ago, and set a goal to move to Texas in 5 years.  It took me 5 1/2 years, but I made it but not without a lot of speedbumps along the way.  From that first trip to Texas, there was just something about the place that called to me, that felt like home.

As I made my way to Burnet, I thought quite a bit, about why.  Why was I heading here now. What popped into my mind that it was an opportunity to give myself a life booster shot.  Not at a point when I was sad and down, but while I was on a high—to keep that high going.  I seemed content with that realization, and stopped fretting about what would be in store for me in Burnet.  There was a nagging thought, would it be as I remembered? Or with 8 years distance from the experience, was the memory much better than the reality?

I made it to the Canyon of the Eagles around 1:00 in the afternoon. Along the way I had seen small patches of bluebonnets, but not really much to even stop and take a few photos.  It was a long ride in the car, about 4 hours with a stop about half way at the Koffee Kup for a wonderful piece of pie.  I was able to check in and when I opened the door to the cabin, it was a *WOW* moment.  My last visit here had been during the afternoon, and I had stayed for dinner.  This time I was actually staying at the Canyon.  There were two rocking chairs on the front porch, I was looking forward to some late night rocking and pondering.  I dropped my bag, gathered up my camera and set off to explore.

The area had changed a little, there were more cabins I think, a bigger campground, a store, a pool, but none of that really interested me.  I found a wicked path through the woods and made my way down to the edge of Lake Buchanan.  There next to the water was a huge field of bluebonnets.  Finally, this is what I had been waiting for.  I pulled out my phone, and my camera, and took photos like the tourist that I was.  I could feel the big smile on my face.  THIS was what I was hoping to find. So that’s why the Universe had nudged me here…or was it JD?

I wandered around and found the hiking trails I had walked 8 years before.  I had no intention of taking a long hike, just a quick walk and then back to the hotel.  (Think Gilligan’s Island-3 hour tour at this point.)  I followed path number three down to a small landing.  There next to the lake was another field of bluebonnets.  Oh my, I had to find a way to get down there and take some photos.  I passed a group of boyscouts and their scout leader.  I nearly had a heart attack when I looked down and saw the snake they were looking at.  I HATE SNAKES…they assured me that the snake was dead, but it still gave me the creeps.  It didn’t sway me from climbing down for a closer look at the bluebonnets.

A big gathering of bluebonnets has a beautiful scent, a mixture of honeysuckle, lavender and I don’t know what else.  I took lots of photos and just enjoyed the view.  I decided to jump back on path number 3 and walk a little further.  Remember, no water? It was 90 degrees, full sun, and very little shade…and I didn’t have any chapstick for the windy conditions.  Still, I had been on this path before it was just a short distance back to the main hiking area. Well, that was my plan anyway.

Trail number 7 veered off to the left, it LOOKED as if it was going to go down by the water.  Surely there were more bluebonnets there?  Ummm..nope, it did not go to the water.  Somehow trail 7 turned into trail 8 then into trail 9.  At one point I made a break through the trees to the water and realized I was way out in the middle of this nature preserve.  I was breathing heavy, and would stop and try to get some relief from the small patches of shade along the path.  I didn’t see any people for quite some time and I started wondering, does path 9 mean that the path is 9 miles long.  HOLY CRAP…that’s a long way to walk.

I have in my will that I want my ashes scattered in this area when I die.  I started to think that possibly that was not going to be necessary.  I would soon collapse from heat exhaustion and the animals of the wild and the vultures and the hawks would drag me to their lair and pick the meat from my bones.  Yeah, that sweet tea at the Koffee Kup earlier was trying to get my attention.  Good grief, it was starting to become very clear that I was going to have to…PEE OUTSIDE. (My daughters would be very proud of this moment.)  So, right there, at the edge of the path I did the deed.  I hurried and pulled up my shorts and continued to hike. At this point my feet were hurting, I was hot, I was whining in my head.

Mysteriously the path made another turn and I was on trail 11.  I was really becoming a basket case at that point.  I came to a fork in the trail and found a bit of shade next to a deer hunting little hut thingy.  I dropped to the grass, laid back and looked up at the sky.  There were all sorts of hawks flying above me, a breeze and a small tree for cover.  I finally started breathing normally and realized how ridiculous this situation had become.

…and for the first time that day I stopped worrying about being in a rush to get to the destination…

I just laid back and enjoyed the feeling of the breeze, watched the bees buzzing above me and listened to the birds.  I spent 30 minutes there just *being*.  About 10 minutes into this experience I felt tears sliding down the side of my face.  They weren’t tears of fear, or of panic, and I wasn’t thinking about the bugs, the ticks, the snakes or the possible poison ivy.  I was just *being*.  In that moment of being very quiet, and very still quite a few things came into my head.  New goals to achieve, and knowing what I have always known, life’s about the journey, not always the end result.  It was a 30 minute booster shot.

I struggled to my feet, still stiff and sore, and followed the next set of signs for the trail, as if by magic I was at the crossroads for trail number 3.  I was moving slow to be sure, and I had to take a few more breaks in the shade sitting on fallen trees, and rocks.  When I was nearly at the end of the trail, a cardinal flew across my path.  I stopped, and had to lean against the nearest tree, and I let the tears fall.  I took this as a sign that I’m on the right path with my life.  It’s a moment that will be with me beyond the next 8 years.  It’s not a moment that I think any of us have every day.

I made it back to the room and had a shower, a cool bath, and made reservations for dinner.  I ended my day watching the sunset over the lake and savoring the moment.  There were so many signs this weekend, that this was the place that I was meant to be.  There was lots of time for reflection on the drive down, the drive home and during my time in Burnet.  I visited a few of the places from the first trip, and I visited some new places.  I’m a much stronger person than the woman who made that trip 8 years ago.

I’m not going to wait 8 years to go back….

Ann
P.S. I am going to go back to see if I can find my blog post from that original trip, I kinda sorta remember getting lost that trip too!  I saw two cardinals on this trip and each time they brought tears to my eyes.

Your mother is always with you…

She’s the whisper of the leaves
as you walk down the street.

She’s the smell of bleach in
your freshly laundered socks.

She’s the cool hand on your
brow when you’re not well.

Your mother lives inside
your laughter. She’s crystallized
in every tear drop…

She’s the place you came from,
your first home.. She’s the map you
follow with every step that you take.

She’s your first love and your first heart
break….and nothing on earth can separate you.

Not time, Not space…
Not even death….
will ever separate you
from your mother….

You carry her inside of you….

~Anonymous

I see now why they were concerned about my hotel choice.  There are literally dozens of hotels, probably well over 100 not all that far away from the falls.  In their day, they were probably quite the places to stay.  By today’s standards, they are very run down, and most are probably just hanging on to keep in business.  But they do have a sort of character about them.  From a distance, I’m not sure I’d actually like to stay there—not that I haven’t stayed at those types of hotels in the past.

A long lost part of Americana perhaps?